Mindset

My Mindset

There's no "right" way to cope with cancer. Each person handles the emotional challenges differently. Think about how you usually function in an emergency and expect to react the same way. It may help to understand the strengths that brought you through adversity before. Ask yourself whose support you usually count on in trying times, including family, friends, spiritual advisers and mental health professionals. Do what works for you. But if your reactions to crises generally interfere with your ability to function at home or at work, and you are unable to make treatment, family or workplace decisions, reach out to traditional or new support systems now.

What does Cancer mean to you?

Cancer triggers a terror different from most other diseases, even though they may have worse consequences. Any sense of doom you may have probably comes more from this historic dread than from the current realities concerning your type of cancer and its treatment. Cancer is not a death sentence for most people. It does not necessarily lead to helplessness, pain, disfigurement, disability or the end of your career. Accept that these exaggerated fears are normal, but do not let them prevent you from having a worrisome lump or symptom checked out or from deciding to undergo recommended treatment. And do not conclude that you will not have the energy or focus to pursue life goals. Most people find that their anxiety diminishes greatly once treatment begins and they are taking active steps to combat the disease.

Let it out

Express your feelings, no matter how awful or embarrassing they may seem to you. Keeping them bottled up may prevent you from moving beyond the distress. However, at work or at home, you may need to promote the image that you are in greater control than you may feel. In that case, you need to find a person you can trust or a safe place -- at a support group, in a therapy session with someone who has had cancer -- where you can vent your anger, fear, sadness and even those alternating hopeful and hopeless feelings. It may also help to find a quiet place to become aware of the full range of your emotions -- by meditating or writing in a journal, for example -- and to appreciate that you can get through this.

God is in control!
My favorite author, C.S. Lewis once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscious and shouts in our pain. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” And I could not agree more. My whole life prior to cancer, the Lord has been whispering to me, and at times even speaking to me, to remind me of His presence and love. But my diagnosis became like a megaphone, blaring the Lord’s love for all to hear. Christian and non-Christian friends alike all gathered to pray for me. The Lord had to constantly remind me that it is He who controls my life, not the doctors or the statistics I am facing each day.

Cancer has been a turning point in my life that I never could have dreamed of, and I know that my life will never be the same. But despite the hard times and the multitudes of tears, the Lord has been protecting me every step of this journey. Whether I live, and one day become cancer free, or I die, I know without a doubt that God is good, and that does not change based on my circumstances. For now, I can rest in the assurance that the Lord is looking out for me, and therefore I can simply strive to live life joyfully for every day that I am given.

Thank you all for your kindness and sensitivity. 

Always in Gods Peace, Strength and Courage

Bo Morris

The New Me

Chemo began in February and I have begun to look like the Egyptian cat. Skin Head! Hair has been falling out by merely running my fingers through the hair, without pulling mind you. Hair protects the skin and conserves heat. It also plays a role in self image. Well, I am without protection, I am loosing heat and my image is bare, only on the surface.

Hair falls out at the root when the bulb shrinks, Hair falls out spontaneously, during light trauma, like running your hand through the hair or brushing it. There is nothing that can help the loss. No shampoo or hair growth stimulant or cosmetic treatment. I ask myself- would a toupee work? It is just not me!
My Tennessee, UK, Boston Red Sox, and Gibson Bay hats will just have to do. I look forward to it growing back. maybe dark brown and curly. Maybe even my ole Afro look again, a remnant from the seventies.

This week is drug free week and next Monday begins the triple threat. Xeluda, Irinotecan, Avastin.
The Oncology team has decided to give me two extra days of fluids and anti-nausea, since I was so sick the last time, for seven days. Mind you I am very positive and I am very aware of the inner peace that God has given me through this process. In addition my wife, who is a Saint by her own right, keeps me from falling too low, that is emotionally, and reminds me daily of Gods love and that He is in control.

I am continually active with photography. The Saturday prior to Easter I took some pictures while the fog was beginning to burn off.

I had to frame the first two, in a 13x19 print to a 18x36 frame and a double matte.
I have recently been approved to shoot at the Lexington Legends and the Cincinnati Reds games. An exciting and long season. The University of Kentucky spring football game is around the corner and that will be fun, especially with the new recruits and the new coach.

Isaiah 53:5-6
But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned ever one  to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

Thank all of you for your prayers and thoughts ! I miss being at work, with the office staff and with the patients who have been so supportive through my journey.

Sincerely,
Always in Gods Peace, Strength and Courage.
Bo Morris

After the third round

Several hours after the infusion of Irinotecan incredible nausea and vomiting began. It lasted for 7 days. A persistent cough seemed to creep in and finally I landed in the hospital for 30 hours for hydration and antibiotics. I will have to say that the stay in the hospital was pleasant and seeing friends was helpful for healing. I would not go anywhere else but Baptist Health Richmond. My office staff remains loyal and the very best of friends, at the risk of sounding too emotional, I love them so much! I have Cancer so I can act silly and get away with it!

During these difficult times of experiencing side effects many questions from friends and colleagues arose concerning the medications given to relieve the symptoms. Let me start with the preparation of infusion. The nurses prepare the port for infusion then hydrate with normal saline. A combination of antiemetic medications IV are given: Aloxi, Emend, 0.5 mg of ativan and 12mg of dexamethasone.

Steroid

The steroid has many mechanisms but Ill concentrate on several. N/V is a major concern, however, its mechanism is not fully understood. An effect on prostaglandin release and it's subsequent effect on the brain is thought to be the desired effect. One can expect to feel a subjective sense of well being but anxiety and mood changes are also to follow. This steroid in combination with the other anti- emetics can surely bring about diarrheal episodes.

A list of side effects:

- proximal muscle weakness

- Cataract formation

- Hyperglycemia

- adrenal suppresion

-Lethargy

-Weight gain

- Insomnia

Cannabis

Cannabis contains 60 different types of cannabinoids. 2 oral agents approved by FDA are in the market place. Dronabinol and Nabilone a third is under investigation, Sativex (a buccal spray).

Limited conclusions from recent studies about its efficacy can be drawn. the standard of therapy are the previously mentioned agents - 5-HT3 receptor antagonist.

A list of side effects:

- Euphoris

- dizzyness

- dysphoria

- hallucinations

- hypotension

E. L. Doctorow stated, "writing a book is like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way". That philosophy applies to life as well. The headlights on my car shine 350 feet, but even with that much light, I can travel all the way to California. I need to see only enough light to get moving.

Psalms 97, 9-12  O lord, you are supreme over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods.

                           You who love the Lord, hate evil! He protects the                      lives of His people and rescues   

                            them from the power of the wicked.

                            Light shines on the godly and joy on those whose                     hearts are right

                            May all who are godly rejoice in the Lord    

Thank you for reading this blog, I pray that God will give immeasurable blessings to you and your loved ones.

In Peace, Strength and Courage always,

Bo Morris

Third Round- Still not out

Finished the second round with a fury of side effects. Down and out for four days but recovered well thereafter. I was able to go to the SEC tourney in Nashville and shoot pics throughout the games. A great time with fellow photographers. The tourney was exciting to say the least.

The third round began thursday March 21, 2013. My oncologist changed Oxaliplatin to Irinotecan. Too many side effects with the former. These included the usual N/V but a mild form of optic neuritis. I went blind for awhile and began to see through a small opening in the center of the eye. Peripheral neuropathy was crippling and thus unable to walk.

This round was terrible the first day but since a slow progressive feeling of strength and eating better. I lean heavily to the sayings of friends and authors, ill share a few:

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

“Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

― Maya Angelou

“Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”

― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

“If our testimonies are strong onthis point and if we feel the absolute assurance that God loves us, we will change our questons. We won't ask, 'Why did this happen?' or 'Why doesn't God care about me?' Instead, our questions will become, 'What can I learn from this experience?' or 'How does the Lord want me to handle this?”

― John Bytheway, When Times Are Tough: 5 Scriptures That Will Help You Get Through Almost Anything

Through adversity, anyones adversity, I pray for mine and their Strength, Peace, Encouragement!

Psalms 29:11 The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.

Psalm 16: 7-8 In the midst of my groanings the Lord counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. With Him at my right hand I will not be shaken!

Thank you all for incredible support. Baptist Health Richmond recently has Orange day for my cause. Incredibly humbling. It truly gives strength and courage to plow through these tough times and look forward to starting work again.

Family support is unwavering! Their strength, encouragement and prayer daily is my strength and makes all things focused on what amazing things the Lord is doing.

Thank you, as always

Your friend

Bo Morris

 

Games are over- A game changer is in town

Games are over, A new game changer has arrived.

Basketball season is winding down. I was delighted to be able to take pictures at the SEC. A lot of celebration and congratulations to those very good athletes. A few Pics for the curious:

Chemotherapy game- changer for stage 4 cancer

GTF (Genetically Targeted Fractionated Chemotherapy) may help patients outperform conventional chemotherapy by identifying each person’s specific tumor information and genetic profile.

The current model and approach being used by numerous cancer centers and hospitals is the “germ theory.” This model aims to focus on destroying cancer cells using a “one size fits all” protocol – a methodology which establishes treatment plans based solely upon cancer type and stage. Doctors are content that each person’s cancer is unique, thereby cannot be classified or grouped – even for patients with “the same type and stage.”

New scientific studies reveal that unlocking the genetic codes for each patient’s cancer means a more successful treatment and outcome. GTF treatment goes several steps further than the conventional chemotherapy approach. It takes advantage of the understanding that everyone’s tumor is different and provides the actual blueprint information to personalize each patient’s treatment plan.

Currently, the odds that a patient will respond to any given chemotherapy treatment are generally no better than the odds of flipping a coin. Chemotherapy drugs have historically been tested, dosed, and incorporated into treatment protocols based on trial-and-error approaches, resulting in a single or a range of recommended dosages based on averages from clinical studies in large populations.

The cancer patients who continue to receive chemotherapy drugs that they simply don’t respond to are unknowingly suffering through devastating side effects all while simultaneously wasting valuable time in their fight to survive against cancer.

The good news is that recent advances in pharmacogenetic research may eliminate the randomness in chemotherapy treatment. Through genetic testing, specific gene expression patterns can be identified that can better predict a patient’s drug response. These genetic indicators act to help physicians find the optimal drug or drug combination that will combat the precise tumor in a given individual with the benefit of optimal results along with greatly reduced side effects.
These ideas are stimulating discussions with my oncologist. I encourage others to do the same.

Thank you so much for the Orange day. Incredible! My family and I are so grateful for your friendship.

Psalm 133:1- How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
As always, your friend
Bo Morris

On and Off- Blessings that illness brings

On for two weeks with oral chemo and Off one week. Then IV infusion of irinotecan a new Rx next week. It's the only door to go through and I must travel on with this journey.


Irinotecan (Camptosar, Pfizer; Campto, Yakult Honsha) is a drug used for the treatment of cancer.
Irinotecan prevents DNA from unwinding by inhibition of topoisomerase 1. In chemical terms, it is a semisynthetic analogue of the natural alkaloid camptothecin.
Its main use is in colon cancer, in particular, in combination with other chemotherapy agents. This includes the regimen FOLFIRI, which consists of infusional 5-fluorouracil, leucovorin, and irinotecan.

From listening to Christians suffering with illness I do believe that God sends us mysterious blessings that come along with our suffering. Here are just a few that are confronting me at this time.

- Illness teaches us to number our days. Psalm 90:12, Without illness it is easy to delude ourselves into assuming that we will live our earthly lives forever. We color our hair and exercise the aging but forget that our lives are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes, James 4:14.

- Illness can be a means of spiritual growth. James 1:2-3 helps soften our objectives to suffering in that Consider it a Joy whenever you face trials (illness included). The testing of the faith develops perseverance so that we may be mature and complete.

- Illness teaches how to comfort others in their distress. Paul states Praise be to God who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble. Many have begun a significant ministry only after suffering a major illness.

- Illness gives us a new perspective on our mistakes. Sometimes illness enables us to see or understand our circumstances differently than before. While God does not wish illness upon us, He can use it to lead us gently to our sins and then heal us of them.

- Illness is only temporary. The Lord may choose to heal us through the hand of a human physician or He may reserve that privilege for His own personal touch when we see Him face to face.

Excerts from Today's Christian Woman 1988

Once again Thank all of you for your love and unwavering support. An amazing journey to see.
Always your friend
Bo Morris

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Round Two

The poignant anxiety felt with chemo is quickly brought lower when I gaze on this painting and throughout the therapy reminds me of Sophia, my grand daughter. This round had some kick to it. The Oncologist stated that there would be an additive affect. The second through the fourth day after have been the lowest points in my life. In addition to the many side effects experienced the psychological mind games also came into play. It has been terribly difficult to remain positive for myself and family through this deliberate poisoning. This envenom is not a magic bullet to the tumor. This stuff stops DNA from replicating everywhere. The brain and GI track that is actively changing does not like it and rebels, thus side effects. Enough-negativity

As this painting depicts, I have not felt well, thus a delay in the blog. I cannot emphasize enough that exercise is helping me. I have begun a compulsive process to remind myself to:

• Keep moving: stretching, short walks, recumbent bike
• Keep a log of how I feel each day. prior to infusion, after infusion and all subsequent days
• Create simple goals: One of my important goals is not to compare myself to pre-chemotherapy.
• Try not to set myself up for feeling bad about myself. I am not going to feel as strong as I did before, while chemo is being pursued.
• Eat healthy: I have found a quick way out and eat a candy bar several times a day. The energy is quick but ultimately is not healthy. I will pursue a different lifestyle quickly !!
• Eat something: Bland diet is better during the infusion week and the days that follow. This week has been an experiment.
• Do more of what you love: Ride my bike-not yet but its coming (Trek Modone 5.2), Pictures of sports, Pictures of landscapes and weddings.

Psalm 16:7-8 I will not be shaken with Him at my right hand. The Lord counsels me and even at night my heart instructs me.

Thank you all for the loving support. I truly am blessed
Sincerely
And always your friend
Bo